I want to collapse in his arms. My heart is heavy. My mind is full. My stomach is empty. My hands are cold.
Dear Dreams, Please do not fall apart.
I am aching and though I won't ask, I really wish you would come.
Dear Dreams, Please come true.
I brought myself here, and now I want to go away.
Dear Dreams, Save yourself.

So how was it?

I set it up.
I set the scene.
Cue puckered lips and small smile, sultry eyes, and sexy lines, hair twists and flips, and then a little kiss. Cue his Lust and Pride and Envy. After that I didn't do much. Passion. Lust. pangs of guilt. Passion. Lust. knocked down the walls I built. Naive to things I never knew and Vulnerable. One thing led to another. And another. And another. And. And. And. Another. I saw it all, I'm not going to lie. I saw his eyes closed tight, I saw his body on mine. I saw the details this time. And I felt nothing until I took advantage. And it felt good. And then it was good. And then it sucked. And then it felt good again. And then we had more time. And we repeated, repeats of repetition. And then we laughed. And then we left. And then I didn't look into his eyes. And then we said a final goodbye.
And then we saw each other. And he wanted a hug and I didn't know what to do.
And then we saw each other. And I mustered up a half grin. And he winced. And I blew it all away. And he didn't know what to do. And all we wanted was to rewind again.

Secrets.

Shhhhh!

Dear Stephanie's Inner Self,

Hello. Long time no...talk. How've you been? Stressed? Confused? Anxious? Scared? Vengeful? Lost? Proud? Angry? 

Wow. All that? We should talk about it sometime. But not now. Now's not the time. This isn't the place. No.No. NO. You just keep bottling that up okay? I 'll talk to you deeper some other time. Yeah, and remember, Trust No One. You remember where that led you right? Just keep shouting out your morals and values...one of these days I'll sit and listen. I promise. One of these days...